On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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