4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
