the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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