You made me cry and you don't even care
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
