I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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