thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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