I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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