I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
