Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
