We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
