I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
