"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
