When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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