An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
