Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
