trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sext me about skeletons
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
