Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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