I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
