I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
