Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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