Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
