i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
