my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
