I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
