you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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