i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
