Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
