I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
