hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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