Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
