Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
