White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
