I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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