he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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