This is not my ceiling
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
