I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
