He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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