It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
