So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
