This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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