1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
