i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
