drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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