Already got asked if we're dating
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
