Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
