in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
