just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
