He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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