VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
