I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
