I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
