I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
